I had exactly the same problem using my Ericsson t68 over IR on Windows 2000. It worked perfectly until I had to rebuild my laptop (Tosh Sat Pro) from the CD and after that, I no longer had a IR COM port, the IR port works as I can still send operator logos to it. But I can no longer use the modem. I think Thinforths problem is the lack of IR COM port and nothing else. I was unable to fix this problem, so I'm now waiting for Bluetooth cards to drop below the £100 mark...
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Cheers,
Andy M