(sorry for the CnP gone wrong)
Axis of Evil Wannabes
by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of vil,"
Libya,China and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having,for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil...in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong II, "Everybody knows we're
the best evils...best at being evil...we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis
can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi pesident Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can have only three, and
a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was
swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs.
Cuba, Sudan and Serbia said they had formed the "Axis of
Somewhat Evil,"forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and yanmar in the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable."
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up....Sierra Leone, El Salvador and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked To Host The Olympics."
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Be
Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat,
really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'guay,' "accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately,leaders said that's only because no one asked them.