That about sums it up. Happy New Year to me.

My girlfriend of 2 years dumped me last night. My first time being on the recieving end, and I feel like total shit. I love her so much, and was saving up for an engagement ring. I had it all designed. We talked all the time about our future together. She said that she had been thinking about things for about a month, and realized that it was not going to work out for her. She says that she loved me more than anything, but if not now, we would break up eventually because we are too different.

I loved the fact that we are so different in many ways, but had the same sense of humor, and liked to do many of the same things.

Of course, the bad news doesn't stop there. We live together. I have been out of work for a few months, and neither of us has anywhere to go. She said that if I decide to stay in our apartment (which I love so much, I can't stand the thought of leaving) that she wants to be off the lease. That involves me proving to the rental company that I can pay for the apartment on my own. I can, for a while, but I think that they are going to want proof that I have a job and all that. My ex is pushing hard for me to decide what I am going to do, because she wants to move into a place upstairs from us that is open, and the rental people wont let her be on 2 leases at once.

This really sucks because I basically have no money, nowhere to go, no job prospects, and a lot of stuff in this apartment that a may have to move out soon. Oh, and I'm losing the love of my life that I thought was going to mother my children.

I may decide to go back to school full time and get my MBA, but that involves moving away from friends, the city, and changing my whole life again for the second time in as many years.

I think that I can stay in this apartment until the end of January. That may give me enough time to figure out what to do, clear my head and all that. I am totally upset and beside myself, I can't believe that she would throw away our relationship. I suppose I should have seen it comming because of some issues that she has, both past and present, and of course because of some issues that I have.

I just don't know. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. I'm sure many of you have gone through something similar or worse. I suppose that I will land on my feet, and I know that this is not just the end of something, but at the same time also a beginning. What a stupid cliche. I don't want to do the dating scene again. Wading through a sea of crap and bullshit to find that "special someone" Alone at night, just wanting to share your feelings with someone who cares. Then going out trying to get laid, waking up in the morning not caring about the person next to you. Worring about disease, putting yourself out there, getting hurt, meeting parents and friends, hoping that they like you, moving to a new place, telling the same stories, introducing someone new to your friends, and waiting for their reaction. I have disgustingly high standards. How the fuck am I going to find another woman who measures up?

I know that's not the right way to think and maybe I should worry less about finding the right woman, and more on taking care of myself for now. I suppose I learned a lot about both myself and relationships in the last 2 years, and I can take that with me.

Jebus, do I sound like a sorry sack or what.

thanks for being there guys. Happy New Year.

Dude.

Sucks.

I feel for you.

Was that ``I love you but we're too different'' thing a cop-out (read: ``I'm already sleeping with someone else'') or does she really have expectations that unrealistic? I hate to say it, because I don't want you to turn into stalker-boy, but maybe you need to convince her that you are the one. There's a thin line there between obsession and ... whatever that would be. There may be no line at all, but I can assure you and her that no two people have that much in common. It's all about how well the differences work together.

It's all about how well the differences work together.

Well, I guess that she thinks that ours don't work well together. Her excuses weren't a cop-out. She's not cheating or anything, she just feels strongly that in order for us to work together, it would require that both of us change too much. She's all about being her own person, and hanging on to who she is. Even if that means not growing into a better person, and living in the past. (of course that last part is my opinion)

Sounds like you should really sit down and talk properly with her - perhaps in a week or so when you've both had a chance to think things through. If you love her as much as you say you do, you owe both of you that chance. Don't give up.

This time of year can be weird for some people - especially those with 'issues'. It can make people act and think in ways they wouldn't normally.

Stick in there.

Man, that totally sucks. I don't have anything constructive to add, but I feel for you.

sorry you gotta go thru this, but you're right...we've all been there at one point.
I can only offer a few thoughts.
first off, you will land on your feet, rest assured.
second, I feel that's it's a common flaw to think/worry about how you'll ever replace her. that was the very first concern I had a few years ago I was in the same spot. took me a while to get grounded, but then the sky cleared and I found myself much more confidant then ever before.

a tip: I asked my 10 year old daughter how I would ever replace my lost love, and she gave me this advise.

"it's simple dad, just find a pretty girl, walk up to her and say "if you were a booger, I'd pick you first."

I hope tomorrow you'll wake up and see that there is a fresh new year ahead of you.

Wow... this is really screwed up. The same thing pretty much happned to me last night, minus the living together part, with my girlfriend of 3 years. It really [censored] sucks because I can't just convince her that change isn't bad she has to find that out on her own. She makes it sound like she has to be this totally different person for it to work. Anyway if I sit here any longer im going to have 100's of pages of random feelings. Good luck to you, I wish you the best. Hopefully this is the bump in the road for us that we just need cross over before everything works out...

-Greg

At least you had someone special to share your life with for awhile. I wish I could say hang in there and life will get better but I'm still waiting for that to happen myself.

Sorry, I'm feeling very down tonight and will be glad when these fricking holidays are over with.

Dude, that sucks so bad. And I know there is no real consolation, but we're here for you. And plenty of us I'm sure (myself included) have been there.

I don't want to do the dating scene again. Wading through a sea of crap and bullshit to find that "special someone" Alone at night, just wanting to share your feelings with someone who cares. Then going out trying to get laid, waking up in the morning not caring about the person next to you. Worring about disease, putting yourself out there, getting hurt, meeting parents and friends, hoping that they like you, moving to a new place, telling the same stories, introducing someone new to your friends, and waiting for their reaction. I have disgustingly high standards. How the [censored] am I going to find another woman who measures up?

I know exactly how you feel.

At least you had someone special to share your life with for awhile

I'm with Laura on this one. Try to be happy when you can and realize that when you aren't you are just like the rest of us Anyway, this is a tuff time of year to go through this stuff so just try to find and be happy with the good things in your life whatever they may be.

-Mike

"tis better to have love and lost, than have never loved at all".

"tis better to have love and lost, than have never loved at all".

<Agent K>"Try it sometime."</Agent K>

I'm sorry for you, man. I've been through this just a year before. It was a 6 year relationship. She moved out, i'm still in the apartment, i think for the same reasons, you don't want to leave it.
Both of us don't have new partners, but we were getting real friends through the last year, both feeling better the way it is now.

If you can't get her back, don't get yourself in a hurry to find someone new. This needs time, a lot of sometimes...

Uhhh, think positive...

cheers, Thomas

Thanks for the kind words everybody. I've had a bit more time to think and reflect on the situation, and I'm getting it a bit more under control.

Maybe it is all for the best, but I suppose only time will tell.

> There's a thin line there between obsession and ...
> whatever that would be.

Passion.

And the line moves, so be careful (for you and her) if you go that route. And if you do, the worst thing you can do right now is push back and emotionally corner/contain her. You have to be creatively positive and emotionally prepared to fail.

For the most part, for safety, I've just learned to let it go (well, in practical terms, but my heart is always a mess).

-brendan