Which is not a suprise at all, but it is still painful. She hasn't lived with my son and I since late August and I'm the one who'se filing- but today it was really hard to see it happening for real.

2011 was the worst year of my life, no doubt. John certainly knows this as we've communicated a lot about it, and I think Bitt got to hear a little bit when he was down this way, but my life has been turned upside down. Actually, it's been upsidedown for a long time, I just wan't admitting it (to myself, even), though a lot of people around me saw what I wouldn't.

I guess I shouldn't be going into any details (there was no affair- I'll say that much) given anything on a public forum could be used if things get ugly, though I'm hoping it won't come to that. Mainly I just wanted to share my burden with people I know care about me and won't want to see me go through something this painful.

A lot of my friends are taking a pretty hard line against my decision (unfortunately, I've ended up leaving my church over this) and surrounding her with a lot of love, and that can be a bit painful, even as I try to remember there are good (and I believe necessary) reasons this has to happen. I hate divorce- I hate the concept and I hate losing the wife I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I hate losing my best friend. I hate that I broke down in tears today and she gave me a look that told me I deserved it. I hate being the bad guy.

This will pass, I'm sure. I believe I'm doing the right thing for myself and especially for my son (who I will be getting custody of), and probably even her, but if I'm somehow mistaken, I still believe in God's grace.

I know a lot of us haven't been as active on this forum the past few years, but I have a lot of fond memories of this board, debating, arguing, and posting silly stuff that only people like us would get. We share in the laughter, and sometimes we have to share in the tragedies. This is mine- I know I'm not the first or the last to go through it (not even on this board), but for me this is as bad as it's ever been.

For those of you who pray, I could use a good word over the next few weeks as this thing becomes real. For those who don't, just a nice though my direction would be welcome.